So he/she left his/her spouse because they got in argument and went out to do dope/drink alcohol, cheat and/or act a fool. He/she had all of his/her pockets loaded with everything anyone ever did to him/her – those pockets held something so sacred, they never left home without packed pockets.
They come in handy when we are called out on something we did wrong. Perhaps he/she gets home a couple days later after walking out of the argument not answering phone for spouse – spouse has no idea (but a really good imagination) what the other did while gone. Then the where were you, what were you doing questions begin to fly and the other begins pulling out all the “well you did this last week” or “you got me so mad that I” or “this other person did _____ to me when I was a kid and I cant help it” or “you’ve done it to me before so I can do it too” and on and on and on – a whole pocket full, so many that one can tailor just the right excuse on any occasion to filter out a “valid” excuse – I am a firm believer that the first 10-15 years of our lives have ALOT to do with the outcome of our character in adulthood and in relationships – either in a good way or a bad way. If a mom and dad are a train wreck then you can almost guarantee they are raising up little future train wrecks – This will duplicate itself generation after generation until someone recognizes that THEY need to be the one that STOPS it right now.
I did this for YEARS, any time I was angry or caught doing something wrong, or drunk at a bar, fired from a job or the list goes on and on, I pulled out a pile of previous things I had been through and often seasoned them with a little extra that wasn’t even true to build a really good case of the “its not my fault, you don’t understand, I am a victim” – looking back at my life now I see the problem was that – wherever I go, there I am. I kept my pockets full for so long that I ended up in prison for 3 entire years of my life – this is where a real change began and I hope this blog helps at least one person not end up where I did or divorced or some other bad result.
But right now I am literally watching a couple I know, and both have had exhaustingly hard upbringing’s, and now are being packed pocket pickers – its awful to watch them as they are now passing on this BS to the next generation right before my eyes. I feel helpless as no one can tell either of them anything; they both think they are “not part of the problem” – its almost an exact mirror of my own life playing out before my very eyes but with different characters.
Back to me again for a second (this is important to note): As I sat in prison wondering how in the heck it got to that point (by the way that story can be read by reading another blog of mine) , I emptied my pockets and started sifting through every single one of those sacred “things” I had been carrying around with me for YEARS – I was attached to them, all of them were true (some had a little sugar on top), almost like a security blanket. Soooo they had lots of classes, counselors and church in there and I took these “things” with me to those places and let people help me unpack my whole entire life to examine it piece by piece. Long story short, being in prison for 3 years was the very best thing that has ever happened to me. I learned how to empty my pockets.
Something else that is notable: So my moms mom (my grandma) was addicted to pain killers and mentally unstable, my mom was a drug addict all her life, in and out of prison, I was an angry person, ending up an intravenous meth user who ended up in prison and my own son & his wife are struggling to be the ones who breaks this generational BS cycle so their children (my precious grandchildren) don’t end up with it too. Its painful to watch them struggle – their pockets are fully loaded too.
Today I am married to a former full pocket picker (he ended up in prison 3 times in his life) – but the difference is our pockets are now empty – I could not give a rats ___ about what used to be in my pockets, those things have lost their power over me now – Heck, I don’t even put yesterdays garbage in my pockets, or 5 minutes ago, I take that trash out as soon as its put in front of me – it took me a long time to get to that point. If I get in an argument with anyone or any kind of relational crud, my immediate goal, sometimes even before its over, I have a mindset that we will fix this right now and throw it in the trash and we both walk away without stuffing it in our pockets to rot and fester. This happens by owning my part first and I always have a part. I am no longer a “reactor” out of impulse. If the other person wants to stuff it in their pocket for later – so be it, but I keep my pockets empty now!
Listen, if your pockets are full just hit me up for some suggestions on how to help rid yourself of the agony of carrying around all that crud… After all, someone helped me sift through mine and lets face it, we need each other – we cant do this alone!